When I can't find the right words

On struggling to write and the poems I found this week along the way

Hello Beautiful Human,

We made it to Friday and I am absolutely exhausted. My older sister who lives in San Francisco visited with her family this week and it was a true delight to spend time with her two boys and husband. The whole week turned into a family reunion of sorts and I had the most wonderful time with my sisters and nephews as we adventured through each day. Watching my sisters’ children breathe and grow — laugh and delight — learn and dance — was such a pure gift. Also – holy heck, it exhausted me.

I wrote a few different — and mostly terrible — pieces for you this week. It was almost as if my entire being was so enthralled by being an auntie that I had nothing left to give — at least, no elegant complete sentences to eloquently string together. So, this week, after trying over and over again to find the right words — the perfect words — I settled for what I did have to offer instead of what was clearly eluding me. So, this week, I am offering a short batch of poems instead of a full piece. They are the only words that flowed this week and I hope they offer you the peace they afforded me.

---

There’s this lie we keep telling ourselves

That the dream is a partner

and a house

and kids

~

But have you ever laughed with a friend until you peed your pants?

~

Have you ever met someone who fits perfectly with you in all the wrong ways?

~

Because that’s the dream too

That’s the dream too

Friendship is the dream too

---

And you apologized

As you asked me

About all that I am

~

If only you’d known

To ask is to love

To listen to honor

---

What if it’s not good?

Or bad?

What if it simply is?

---

All I ever wanted was to belong

But how can I belong when the wild of my being is only welcome if it’s tamed?

---

I used to hate the idea that I’m broken

But now I see

Broken is beautiful

Broken is how the light gets out

Yes

Broken is how I light up the world.

---

it’s always hard.

it’s not about changing that.

It’s about harnessing the hard to get somewhere.

It’s about choosing the hard that will grow you into the you 

    you want to become.

---

and in the nuance

where there are no answers at all

we find what we were looking for all along

~

belonging

~

to be as we are

enough

in all the colors of our being

enough

in all the seasons of our becoming

---

I’ll end this series with one of my older poems. It is a poem that I read often — and need as a reminder today…

---

and

somewhere along the way

to be tired

became

to be broken

~

but tired is not broken

tired is not weak

~

tired is because I rise 

daily

and fight

~

and 

what greater bravery and honor exist    

than to fight 

daily 

for this life of mine?

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I will be back next week with a full piece and FEAR Camp. In the meantime, I hope you honor yourself with exactly what you need this weekend.

Sending so much love.

Kindly,

Kate