People keep telling me it's okay to slow down

on embracing our magic mess

Hello Beautiful Human,

I recorded a video for you this week, and OH SO CLASSICALLY, it is the beautiful, blurry back of a book binding because I had the settings wrong. I can’t stop laughing because this could not be more on-brand for me. It is also wholly representative of my entire week and the practice of healing out loud, in general.

Ahhh! What a beautiful blurry book binding that is!

I considered re-recording the video (and even began to) but instead, decided I’d offer both you and myself the kind permission we truly need:

The permission to show up, exactly as we are — enough, forever and always.

So, instead of a video, please enjoy the audio recording of the poem below.

May we all tread lightly on ourselves this evening and always.

With love.

Kindly,

Kate

---

People keep telling me it’s okay to slow down.

  People keep telling me it's okay to slow down.

But what about my mortgage?
and the vet bills for the dogs that actually take care of me? 

and what about that never ending cost?
that never ending cost
of patching myself up
and healing
from all the damage
they did 


I told my mom the other day I wanted to sue healthcare
to sue them for the misdiagnosis that landed me insane  
the misdiagnosis that stole ten years from my life

I said I'd rather ask nicely
actually
if that could work

but that it wouldn't
that it couldn't
that I knew it in my bones because 
I'd lived it -- felt it -- screamed it 

and it never changed a thing.  


so yes, 
I said 
I wanted to sue healthcare 
to build a class action suit so large that they would have to pay attention. 

I mused thereafter for a bit, 
like I always do, 
that it would need to make them feel pain. 
but not like the pain I felt

I don't wish that on anyone. 

I don't wish psychosis for a decade
demons chasing your every mood
diapers filled with shit 
in a college dorm room. 

No, I don't wish that on anyone.

but they'd need to feel it enough
real pain
so much that they lost their second and third and fourth and maybe even fifth homes. 

Yes, it would need to make them feel it
real it
understand that this
was something
to contend with.


I carried on by saying 
over 
and over 
and over again 

They must be held accountable. 
They must


Yes, 

I told my mom the other day that I wanted to sue healthcare 
to sue them for the misdiagnosis that landed me insane.   

The truth is though
I don't want to sue them. 
I don't want a lawsuit. 
I don't want any of the hell it brings.  

I want to tell stories. 

I want to tell stories.

I want to tell stories that heal and grow us towards each other 

not away

But still
yes, still
oh ever still

I wish that Big Pharma would pay for my health care

Yes, I wish they'd pay the bills of patching me up for the harm they did

and alongside that
for fear of paying that much for everyone else
they changed.  

So no one ever, 
ever 
got hurt like me again.  


So once and for all
yes once and for all

it really is okay to slow down

and we can be together 
at peace
on solid ground.

---

This week’s invitation

When you make a harmless human mistake this week, instead of forcing yourself to correct it, choose to honor it in its validity. Sit with the discomfort of accepting it in its unexpected outcome and engage instead in something you want to do. Live the truth that it really is okay to be exactly who you are. Revisit this exercise the day after you do it and take inventory of how you are feeling. Do you still even think of it as a mistake?

---

This week’s writing prompt

Engage with this week’s invitation or a recent mistake you made and write about it. How did it feel to accept your raw humanity? Was it liberating? Or downright terrifying? Did it offer you a chance to slow down? Or did it instead cause your mind to speed up? Write your way through the physical, emotional, and spiritual repercussions of not fixing the “mistake.” Take particular note of your thoughts. Are they being kind to you? Or not? And if not, what might they say instead?

6 seconds into video take 2 when I realized it’s okay to be my messy self and that the audio could be just fine instead.

8 seconds into take 2 when my body felt the joy of such a practice.

---

And with that goofy diptych, I wish you a day. With love and snuggles from my two best girls.

Kindly,

Kate